i love accidental penises.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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