No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
