I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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