I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
