I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
