Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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