So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
