Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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