why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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