anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
