the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex