she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine