i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
sex in a hospital.. check
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug