You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
