yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.