i think my mom watched the whole time
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?