I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
