So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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