my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
FUCK WHALES
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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