you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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