My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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