Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
