Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
