So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
FUCK WHALES
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
