I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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