moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
