my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
