Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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