I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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