Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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