did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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