Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize