Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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