So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
