I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
