We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
