I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
