Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them