I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.