LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love having hate sex.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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