Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I smell stomach acid.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.