I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.