fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
