Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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