why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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