Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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