Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
