I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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