We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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