don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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