we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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