reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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