Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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