I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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