dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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