The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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