Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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