i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
