his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
