My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
