You're my little dorito
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
