i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
