he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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