i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
