He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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