You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
