Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
