I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
