We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
