when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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